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| There are bound to be some challenges when providing care for an elderly loved one. |
Personal Experience
When my husband’s grandmother moved in
I knew there were bound to be some challenges.
She spoke no English and communicating with her in my elementary level
Greek was difficult. Yet I was
determined to show compassion, include her in the family and provide whatever
care she needed. Everyone said she had
always had a difficult personality, but I was not at all prepared for the
ordeal which I had just signed up for.
At 94 she proved to be as wilful, manipulative and mean tempered as a
child going through the “terrible twos”.
I had often wished I could give
her a time-out or send her to her room. Not knowing why she was acting out or
how to handle her caused troubles throughout the household and was devastating
to me as her caregiver.
There are times when caring for a difficult elder feels impossible. Elderly loved ones may feel
embarrassed, frustrated and depressed when their physical limitations force
them to rely on a grown child or family member for care. Their dependence and sense of
helplessness can lead to a feelings of despair and resentment which expresses itself in negative behaviour. Knowing what can be done to help the situation
and what will have to be endured with lots of loving patience, can make a
difference in the caregiver’s ability to provide care long term.
Looking for the cause
When dealing with a grumpy grandma or
grandpa it is important to find if there is an underlying reason for their
complaints and crankiness. If anger and
negativity are relatively new personality traits there may be external causes
which need to be addressed.
·
Medications – Certain medications can
cause personality changes.
Antidepressants, anti-seizure medications, blood pressure and
anti-inflammatory medications can all cause behavior issues if not matched and
adjusted correctly to the individual.
Also a combination of different types of medications can play a role in
behavioral problems. Always have a
pharmacist check for interaction problems when dealing with your loved one’s
medications.
·
Infections – Bladder infections (UTI)
are common among the elderly and can cause trouble physically and
behaviorally. An onset of out of
character behavior can often be traced back to a physical infection and should
be treated medically.
·
Pain – Chronic pain makes everyone feel
a bit cranky and often an elder will try to bear the pain and forego seeing a
doctor. Being stoic about pain isn’t
always the same as suffering in silence and often the elder doesn’t see the
connection between his pain and a general crabby attitude. Getting proper medical help for pain
management will go a long way in helping with behavioral issues.
·
Dementia – Memory loss is frustrating
to those suffering with dementia and can cause unusual behavior. People with dementia are often unable to mask
negative aspect of their personality and will say and do socially unacceptable
things. In addition, there are many types of dementia, such as Alzheimer’s
disease, Sundowners Syndrome and Pick’s disease, which are marked by dramatic
personality changes and rather aggressive behavior.
In some cases, such as with my
husband’s grandmother, a life-long habit of being difficult means behavior
becomes increasingly impossible as aging issues come into play. Ingrained difficult behavior that was
somewhat kept in check for years, with age cannot be hidden or masked. Add into the mix a bit of dementia and
behavior can become unreasonable, irrational and aggressive.
It is important to recognize that
ingrained negative behavior is not likely to change at an advanced age. According to Jacqueline Marcell, author of
“Elder Rage”, in cases where dysfunctional behavior is compounded by age, the
best thing a family caregiver can do is to develop an “emotional shield”. By
letting hurtful words and irrational deeds bounce off, caregivers protects
themselves from the stress of caring for loved ones who are not behaving in a
loving manner. She also advises getting
help from support groups. Having support
from those who going through similar situations can help a caregiver cope and knowing
you are not alone can be a source of comfort.
Getting help
Equally important is getting
respite. Caregivers, especially those
with difficult elders, need to take break to rest and relax. There are many community services and home
health agencies available to help with providing occasional, temporary or even
round the clock respite care. Often having
a professional caregiver come into a difficult situation can break a pattern of
negative behavior and is beneficial to everyone involved.
Providing loving kindness to our elders
is the right thing to do, even when behavior issues make it difficult. Knowing what can be done to help the
situation and what, unfortunately, must be tolerated helps caregivers keep things
in perspective.
www.homeaidhealthcare.com
www.prairiehomeassistedliving.com
Sources:
“How
to Deal with an Elder Who Complains Too Much” by Carol Bradley Bursack, www.agincare.com. Retrieved 7/9/12.
“I love My Mother, But I don’t Like Her” by Jacqueline
Marcell, www.agingcare.com. Retrieved 7/9/12.
“5
Success Tips with Difficult Aging Parents” by Carolyn Rosenblatt, www.forbes.com. Retrieved 7/9/12.
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